Don’t choke on your covfefe. The United States will soon start offering visas on arrival to Indian citizens, who can clear the one-time Assessment Programme for Real Indian Leisure travellers (APRIL).
US President Donald Trump announced this radical move on his fortnightly radio programme, Whose Lie is it Anyway.
“F.R.I.E.N.D.S: I have finally found a way to make America great again. At the stroke of midnight hour, when the world sleeps, Indians will queue up at their airports to board a flight to the US. A moment comes, which comes rarely in history, when they step out from our old aircraft into our older airports, when an age ends, and when the soul of the traveller, long terrified by the immigration officer, finds liberation.”
Do you qualify for the US visa?
If you didn’t see the ads on your Facebook timeline, don’t bother—they’ve screened you out already (amazing what small hands can do with Big Data). But should you see it pop-up, prepare for the one-time test that is your All-Access pass to the US. The APRIL evaluation will be a three-step process to test your fidelity as an upscale leisure traveller. Phase one will involve a blind-tasting to check your affinity for truly American food innovations. Expect samples of pumpkin spice latte, avocado on toast and sushi burrito (tip: you get a bye if you can prove you’re allergic to nuts or gluten).
Phase two will test your knowledge of New York (Name your favourite gallery in Upper East Side, and so on). The third is a cursory accent check (a cupcake walk if you’re from Cuffe or GK). If you’re nervous about this, you can prep by signing up for a Fundamental Orientation for Original Leisure travellers course at any of the consulates across India.
The news is being welcomed most by jaded Indian businesspersons seeking a quick getaway, but really, it’s much relief for anyone. To reports claiming that Indians may now be subject to more intense frisking and deep cavity searches, Trump has been issuing Stormy Denials. “FAKE NEWS. I love Indians. 500 years after Columbus invited himself to their land, I’m reinviting them to ours.”
source cn traveller